Shitty First Draft: Assignment 2

Lindsey Hogan

English 111: Rough Draft

Professor Strickland

9/27/2010

Do You Dare

Britney Spears is a world-wide sex symbol.  She exudes sexuality in her songs, music videos, movies and advertisements.  The brand she sells revolves around sensuality and promiscuity.  Curious, her fragrance, does not deviate from her well-known imagine.  The promotional advertisement’s for her fragrance projects images of sex appeal and heart-pounding romance with a model-status hunk.  The use of sex and the status of Britney Spears as a role model for young women appeals to the audience of teen girls.  In this rhetorical situation the use of techniques that apply to the speaker, the audience, the style, and the evidence make the ad convincing to young women that buying Curious will enhance their appeal to boys.

The commercial begins with Britney Spears approaching a hotel door where she innocently makes eye contact with a gorgeous, clean-cut young man.  An orchestra of tantalizing music from an a compilation of light, airy instruments begins as both, Spears and the young man, maintain eye contact and open their hotel doors simultaneously.  Spears’ is shown in the hotel room sitting on the bed, staring at the connecting door between the two rooms; then it flashes to the young man’s room where he, too, is looking curiously towards the connecting door.  Britney Spears stands up and walks over to the door; as she does so the music becomes faster.  She reaches her hands timidly toward the door and leans against it.  The music becomes rapid.  Images bombard the audience: glossed lips, lightening, hands against a dripping window, blooming flowers, the young man, Spears biting her lower lip, a little girl making dolls kiss, Spears and the young man about to passionately kiss, back-scratching sex, Spears running towards the bed in just a sheet, a love struck cartoon girl, hands gripping the sheets in ecstasy, a do not disturb door-knob sign swaying, bull riders, a nude man and woman tangled together, waves crashing, and Spears laughing.  The flashing images end; both, Spears and the young man are shown, aroused by the sexual tension backing away from the connecting door.  The screen focus on Spears face, and then blurs as Spears’ voice provocatively utters, “Do you dare”.  Then a picture of the Curious bottle appears with a black back drop and the words ‘Curious. Britney Spears. A New Fragrance.’.

[Connector]

Curious’ audience is…

[[DEVELOPE]]

[Connector]

The purpose of the speaker, in this rhetoric, is to appeal to the audiences emotions (pathos) and involve the audience in the passion shown in the advertisement; this establishes a memorable connection for the audience between sex appeal and the fragrance.  The speakers are: the symphony (for the majority of the advertisement) and Britney Spears.  The symphony’s role as a speaker in the commercial is to manipulate the audience’s emotions as the images are shown.  The music begins slow and calming and then as the intensity between Spears and the young man increases so does the pace and fervency of the music; which, in turn, plays into the assumed increase in the audiences heart beat and breathing as the scenes become more passionate.  As the intensity plateaus and the music along with it, Spears’ voice is heard whispering, in a seductive tone, “Do you dare”.

[Connector]

Spears, as a speaker, appeals to the audience because she serves as a celebrity testimony.  Since Curious is being portrayed as a product associated with sexuality, it makes sense that Spears appropriately fits the celebrity testimony that

[[DEVELOPE]]

[Connector]

The style/structure of the advertisement appeals to the audience’s logic (logos).  The commercial is organized in a progressive fashion.  It begins with Britney innocently entering a hotel room and spotting a cute guy; much like a teen girl might in the halls at school.  Then, Spears is shown wondering about the cute guy in the next room; similarly to the thought process of a young girl with a crush.  Next, images of what could happen between Spears and the guy occupying the next room are flashed rapidly across the screen.  Between the scenes of Spears with this guy are images of nature taking its coarse (i.e. flowers blooming, lightening, etc.) and young girls dreaming of love and romance (i.e. little girl with dolls, cartoon girl who has fallen in love, etc.).  This, easily looked over, detail is key in appealing to the audience because subconsciously these images are associating Curious with growing up out of innocence and blooming into a young sexually desired woman who is no longer an naive child.

[[CONCLUSION]]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZElUMthBPI

Ideas for Project Two

Axe Commercial: The way sex is used for the target audience and girl-guy relationships.
Brittany Spears Curious Commercial: The way they use signs that signify a passionate romance with a gorgeous guy if you wear this perfume.
JFK Inaugural Speech: The way he connects/appeals to the everyday American.

Shitty First Draft

Lindsey Hogan


Paper 1: Self-Inquiry/Reflection

Mayhem

Senior year stormed by like a wildfire bulldozing through miles of trees racked with drought, leaving only the remaining embers. As the year dwindled so did the threads that held my infamous Ursuline skirt together. This was no good since the hem police patrolled the halls daily hoping to catch a disheveled school girl. The last days in sight I thought I had duped the police once and for all, only to find out that I was headed for a run in with the chief of hem police: our disciplinarian, Mrs. Bender.

She caught me strolling into homeroom early one morning with a wild-looking hem. Our eyes dead-locked as if we were in a showdown and I knew I had just bought myself a ticket to the finale. She sauntered up to me with a condescending look that screamed “silly little girl” and ordered my presence in her office after announcements. Hot steam shot out of my ears as my face turned fuchsia with fury. I thought, “Was she joking! One week left and she decides now, after my skirt has been in this condition ALL year, to address the issue of my hem?!” Sitting in homeroom I had begun to formulate a list of my counter-argument; Needless to say, as the time dragged on so did my list.

The announcements ceased and I began the walk to Mrs. Bender’s office. I arrived after much procrastination, entered the office and stood defensively, like a lion prepared to defend her kill. The surrounding staff had frozen, sensing the high tension and not wanting to be caught in Mrs. Bender’s wrath made no sudden movement; the silence was deafening. Then all hell broke loose as her jaw dropped and the rehearsed faulty-hem speech roared from her ________. She spoke her peace and expected me to follow protocol and sulk out the door with my chin on my chest in shame but she really should have known better from our numerous encounters. I composed my thoughts, looked her in the eyes and level-headedly explained to her why this was outrageous. “There are four more days of class, I’m not wasting money to get my skirt hemmed and even if I did it wouldn’t be ready till the last two days. I have ten projects, not to mention other homework to do and no time to hem a skirt. My dad does not sew; my mom works all day and has limited time to do things for herself and no time to sew a hem that will be used for four days. Every senior’s hem is messed up considering we’ve had our skirts for four years. I would staple it but you don’t approve. . . .” The list continued like this for ten more minutes until I had to take a breath.

The silence resumed as we seared holes in each other’s foreheads. Minutes had passed before she finally said, “I don’t care, get it fixed by tomorrow or you’ll have Saturday detention.” And although I hadn’t won the battle, the war was far from over and I had definitely rattled her cage.

In hindsight I did not have much working in my favor. To start off with my primary audience was my disciplinarian, Mrs. Bender. She was the specific person I was trying to convince I should not have to hem my skirt when there was only one week of school left. She had a ‘my way or the highway’ mindset, not to mention she did not have any faith that I was of good character or sense (ethos).

My secondary audience weighed a little more in my favor, although they had no weight in the outcome of the situation. This audience included: the surrounding faculty, the senior class, the underclassmen, and my family. The surrounding faculty members were included because they were in ear shot of the battle, wearing sympathetic looks. The senior class was a secondary audience because the ply for no hemming so close to the end of the year involved almost every senior whose skirts had fallen to the wear and tear of four years. The underclassmen were a secondary audience because, although some had already been caught for faulty hems, the more years they have under their belts the more likely their hems will deteriorate and they will have to deal with the skirt police. And finally my family was a secondary audience because they are an extension of me and definitely heard about the altercation.



Possible further analysis?

What order should I put this in?

• Proof

• Complications:

Logos & Ethos-facts of why I couldn't hem my skirt.

Pathos & Logos-no one in the senior class had their skirt hemmed but she picked me.

• Arrangement

• What have I learned?

Constrainsts & Complications

What constraints were you working against?
  The disiplinarian hated me, my family, my friends and their families (previous run-ins).
  I had a messed up hem most of the year.
  I was outspoken and got into past verbal fights with her.
  We had a mini war going on.
  She was crazy strict about the silliest things.
  She held power.
  She felt it was her way or the highway, no short cuts.
  My year was the 'bad' class, who got into a lot of big trouble.
What complications were there?
  Logos & Ethos-facts of why I couldn't hem my skirt.
  Pathos & Logos-no one in the senior class had their skirt hemmed but she picked me.

Primary Audience/Secondary Audience

Who is your primary audience? Secondary?
  My primary audience is my disciplinarian, Mrs. Bender.  She is the specific person I was trying to convince I should not have to hem my skirt when there was only three weeks of school left.  My secondary audience includes a couple groups: the surrounding faculty, the senior class, the underclassmen, and my family.  It includes the surrounding faculty because they were in ear shot of the battle, wearing sympathetic looks.  The senior class is a secondary audience because the ply for no hemming so close to the end of the year involved almost every senior whose skirts had fallen to the wear and tear of four years.  The underclassmen were a secondary audience because, although some had already been caught for faulty hems, the more years they have under their belts the more likely their hems will deteriorate and they will have to deal with the skirt police.  And finally my family is a secondary audience because they are an extension of me and definitely heard about the altercation.